


Turning Nothing Into Years

by the_rck



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Captivity, Lima Syndrome, M/M, Mind Games, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precognition, Stockholm Syndrome, Torture, surrender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 08:34:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12790758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_rck/pseuds/the_rck
Summary: Possibly, keeping Kudoh alive after they grabbed him had been a bad idea, but Schuldig hadn't had a chance to play in a while. Then things got complicated.Brad should have seen that coming.





	Turning Nothing Into Years

**Author's Note:**

> I finished this way late for the challenge, and the story kept turning in directions I didn't expect. I almost didn't start this because I thought it would be the same as "With Hearts that Beat Double." I was wrong.
> 
> Title from Dan Beachy-Quick's poem, “Some Consequences of the Made Thing.”

Kudoh hadn’t quite given up hope.

Schuldig thought it was cute and wanted to encourage it. “I enjoy the hunt,” he told Brad. “Not that he won’t be fun later, but we only get to do this part once.”

Brad found Kudoh’s attempts to escape inconvenient, but he liked to indulge Schuldig, so he hadn’t acted on any of the might bes that led to rapid, permanent surrender. The real point of Kudoh was that he was a shared project, something to keep Schuldig from brooding or, worse, despairing, and Schuldig was right-- They would only get to do this once.

And focusing on Schuldig’s needs kept Brad more or less stable.

He gave Schuldig a sharp smile. “We have forty eight hours before we even need to think about being somewhere else. We could play a bit.” Brad’s interest in sex was pretty much like his interest in Kudoh-- _All about Schuldig. All good things are._

He wasn’t wondering how Farfarello and Nagi were getting by. _They’ve been gone long enough for us not to need them._

Schuldig’s answering smile showed teeth. “He thinks he knows what to expect now.” He laughed. “As if his pain was all we would require.” _//He hates it, and he-- almost-- likes it. He knows how it has to end, so it’s especially delicious.//_

 _//And you having fun means I do.//_ Brad kissed Schuldig’s cheek and considered might bes. “I think… Instead of telling him to shower before we bring him out, we should wash him ourselves.” He gave Schuldig a flash of Kudoh, bound and helpless, while Brad and Schuldig touched him with hands and soap and washcloths, making sure he was clean enough to be a pleasant fuck. “If you want his mouth, use a ring gag. He’s not past being stupid.”

Schuldig nodded. “When did he eat last?”

Brad took a moment to answer. “Yesterday, I think.” The past was more difficult for Brad than the future, and the fact that Schuldig wasn’t currently focused enough to track the past was… inconvenient. _We’ll find balance again. The two of us._ “He gave you the screams you wanted, so you fed him.” He was nearly certain that was right. _Even if it was two days, Kudoh’d be fine._

“Ah. I thought maybe you’d fed him since.” Schuldig frowned. _//He’s thinner than he should be.//_

 _//He’s not dying. I’d see that.//_ Brad shook his head. “I was talking to Lazarus about duplicating Kritiker’s regenerative technology. He thinks it can be done just with the samples we’ve taken from Kudoh already. He sees the potential for profit as clearly as we do. The expiration date is a selling point, at least for certain applications.”

Schuldig didn’t say anything for a moment. _//Is there a way around that? I’d like it for us, and I don’t want to take risks. Also-- I want to keep our pet.//_ He gave Brad a pleading look that seemed entirely out of place on his face.

Brad shrugged. “His looks won’t last.” _//Wide eyes won’t work on me.//_ He took a few seconds to look at possible futures and saw that, the longer they kept Kudoh, the more heartbroken Schuldig would be when he finally died. _But will he be better while Kudoh’s around? It’s possible._ Brad would try a hell of a lot harder to keep Kudoh alive if Schuldig would benefit.

Schuldig shrugged and said, “I always wanted a kitten. People do get attached to pets. It’s a thing.”

 _Of course, he saw those thoughts._ Brad hesitated for a moment then gave an answering shrug. “As long as he doesn’t piss on the bed or claw the furniture.”

Schuldig seemed to relax a little. “Once he’s trained.” He gave a smile that only looked a little forced. “His mind is-- It’s not like yours--” _//You’re comfortable. Safe.//_ “--but I really could drown in it and have no regrets. Especially when you’re fucking him.”

Brad’s lips twitched. “Is it me or would a fucking machine do as well?” He couldn’t tell how likely it was that his fleeting vision of making out with a blissed out Schuldig while Kudoh begged them to stop the machine pounding his ass would happen. _//I want this.//_ He shared the vision and didn’t bother to hide the fact that the appeal of it surprised him. “His bad luck that you enjoy him. I’d have at least considered letting him go.” _//That asshole, Takatori, is going to come after us with everything he’s got. If he finds out.//_

Schuldig laughed. “And that you get pleasure from my enjoyment.” _//For now, the fear and pain are fun, but later… I’ll enjoy it when he loves us, too. When Yohji wants us, too, Takatori won’t know why.//_

Brad wasn’t quite as sure, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

****

Kudoh had learned not to attack them. They’d taught him that much. So when Brad and Schuldig entered the mostly empty room where they kept Kudoh, Kudoh backed into a corner. His snarl didn’t quite hide his fear, but it was clear that he would only cooperate so far.

Brad stayed near the door and let Schuldig go forward alone. Their minds were closely linked so that Schuldig would know instantly if Brad foresaw danger and so that they could share each other’s pleasure when it came time for that.

Kudoh looked from Schuldig to Brad and back again.

 _//He knows we’re both dangerous.//_ Brad allowed himself a smile.

 _//Yes, but I’m the one coming closer._ “How hard are you going to make this?” Schuldig asked Kudoh. _//He’s definitely hungry. He’s terrified and angry, and he keeps wondering what sort of food we’ll give him after. He almost thinks that whatever we do will be worth it. And he hates himself for it even more than for enjoying parts of it.//_

Brad could almost, not quite but very nearly, feel what Schuldig thought was so special about Kudoh’s mind. He felt himself starting to get hard.

Kudoh raised his hands as if he might be able to keep Schuldig away.

Schuldig’s hands darted out to grasp Kudoh’s wrists. Kudoh tried to dodge, but Schuldig’s speed combined with Brad’s foresight meant that Kudoh stood no chance. In a few seconds, Kudoh was flat on his face with Schuldig’s knee in the small of his back. Schuldig twisted Kudoh’s arms then pinned his wrists with one hand while reaching out the other to catch the cuffs that Brad tossed his way.

Schuldig stayed where he was after Kudoh’s arms were bound. He ran his hands over Kudoh’s back and used his weight to grind Kudoh into the floor.

Kudoh made a sound of pain, and Brad felt Schuldig’s pleasure like a shock from static electricity, sudden, sharp, and gone almost as it arrived. _//Would it be more interesting if I pamper him sometimes?//_ Brad didn’t feel that he had to look at the future to know that Kudoh would be desperate enough to accept kindness. _Already is, I suspect._ He didn’t address the thought to Schuldig, but he didn’t bother to hide it either.

Schuldig laughed and said, “Possibly.” He gripped the back of Kudoh’s neck and squeezed. _//He’s almost to accepting the inevitable but not quite.//_

“If you’re quite done playing.” Brad let his voice convey boredom. He’d have been happy to let Schuldig keep doing what he wanted for as long as he wanted, but he didn’t want Kudoh to know that. _//You’re really fucking hot. You know that, right? I’m never letting you go.//_

Schuldig laughed again. _//I have noticed the thoughts crossing your mind from time to time.//_ He stood then reached down and hauled Kudoh to his feet. He pushed Kudoh against the wall and leaned in. “You’re not altogether stupid,” he told the other man as he brought his clothed body up against Kudoh’s naked one. “That’s more fun.” _//I’m not letting you go, either. I just… want a pet, too.//_

For a moment, Brad thought Kudoh was going to spit on Schuldig, but apparently their prisoner had learned that lesson already. He only closed his eyes and said, “Fun for you.” His voice was hoarse, and he sounded bitter and angry.

 _//So very sweet...//_ Schuldig pressed his lips to Kudoh’s.

Brad smiled at Schuldig’s pleasure as Kudoh yielded to the kiss. He was momentarily distracted by a full sensory vision of just how good it would be when Kudoh could be trusted not to bite. He wondered if Kudoh was already that skilled at giving blow jobs or if it was something they would teach him. He shared the vision and the question almost by reflex.

_//Teaching him would be more fun. Especially if he hates it.//_

Brad couldn’t argue with that. Schuldig’s pleasure at the prospect became Brad’s.

Schuldig caressed Kudoh’s jaw. “You need a shave. And a wash.” He wrinkled his nose. “You stink.” _//He actually does. He hasn’t showered in two days. He smells of sex and blood and terror. And sweat, of course.//_

 _//Do you want to punish him for not keeping clean?//_ Brad would prefer that Kudoh wash without prompting, but he supposed that was another thing that would come eventually.

“Ah, Yohji, did you think we’d leave you alone if you were filthy? It doesn’t work like that.” Schuldig sounded amused. He stepped back a half pace then took Kudoh’s shoulder and pulled so that Kudoh staggered in Brad’s general direction. “If we have to wash you again, we’ll use ice water.”

 _//Speak for yourself. I’m willing to make him wash himself in ice water. I’m not willing to reach in and do it for him.//_ Brad caught Kudoh and held him at arm’s length. “If Schuldig thinks you stink, I don’t want you any nearer.”

 _//Point.//_ Schuldig strolled over to them. _//Though not one that has occurred to him. He might get there eventually. He’s not stupid. Not remotely. Just scared shitless.//_

Kudoh made no effort to escape Brad’s grip which was a change.

Brad wondered if Kudoh was biding his time or if he’d actually realized that it was hopeless.

 _//Biding his time. Part of him knows that being in the middle of nowhere in a country where he doesn’t speak the language is an immense problem, but he’s putting that out of his mind. Hell, he’s naked, and it’s late October. He’s avoiding thinking about that part, too.//_ Schuldig had reached where Brad stood. He smiled at Brad then squeezed Kudoh’s ass. “I’m pretty sure we’ll enjoy washing him a hell of a lot more than he’ll enjoy being washed.”

Kudoh went so still that he might as well have flinched.

 _//He doesn’t act like he wants any of this.//_ Brad met Kudoh’s eyes. “It’s not as if there was any chance we weren’t going to touch you everywhere. We just might have taken more time over it.” For a moment, Brad thought Kudoh would try to pull away, but the other man only inhaled deeply and closed his eyes.

 _//He desperately doesn’t want to want, and he forgets that I-- that we-- know what’s in his head. He hates us too much to accept us easily.//_ Schuldig took hold of the chain connecting the cuffs on Kudoh’s wrists and pulled and twisted.

Kudoh gasped.

“Through the door,” Schuldig said. “Left then down the stairs.”

 _//I think he already knows that.//_ Brad followed after them.

Brad and Schuldig chained Kudoh’s arms above his head and kept him standing while they washed him but didn’t bother trying to make the bath more unpleasant for him. They simply focused on enjoying themselves. Finding out where Kudoh liked to be touched and where he didn’t was simply a bonus.

Schuldig washed Kudoh’s ass. He parted the cheeks and asked Brad, “How much do you think he can take?”

Kudoh inhaled sharply but otherwise gave no indication that he’d understood.

 _//Do you actually want to test that tonight?//_ Brad had no particular objection, but he thought that Schuldig might feel that was rushing things.

_//Oh, yes. I’m not going to, but I definitely want to.//_

Brad flicked a finger hard against Kudoh’s asshole. “I’m sure we’ll get to that. Eventually.” _//I’m going to wash his crotch. It might be interesting to see whether or not I can get him hard while you’re… enjoying yourself.//_

Schuldig flashed his teeth. _//You doubt I’m right?//_ He pushed two fingers into Kudoh’s ass. _//It’s a little early to fuck him. I want his ass bruised enough when I do that it hurts like hell.//_

Kudoh managed to half swallow his sound of pain. He bent his body in an effort to get away from Schuldig’s hands.

 _//Beating him while I give him a hand job ought to do nicely.//_ Brad put both amusement and affection into his mental voice. He pulled a low stool over and seated himself on it. He used soap and wash cloth to carefully clean Kudoh’s cock and balls. Then he started playing with them.

Kudoh tried to pull away from Brad, but that pushed him back into Schuldig’s hands. He gave a frustrated sob and went completely still.

Brad kept his touch firm but gentle, even once Schuldig started using a crop on Kudoh’s ass. Each blow rocked Kudoh forward. Brad used that movement as additional stimulation.

Brad brought Kudoh to the edge of orgasm then pulled his balls down hard before letting go of him. When Kudoh had gone soft, Brad started again.

Kudoh lasted almost ten minutes before he began to cry. 

Brad hadn’t expected him to manage that much. In spite of himself, he was a little impressed that Kudoh hadn’t started begging. _//Not that it would do him any good.//_

_//He still has some pride. And you’re right. The combination of what you’re doing and what I’m doing is worse for him than if we just beat the shit out of him. Like I said, he’s not stupid. He’s starting to suspect that we’re not planning to kill him.//_

Brad didn’t quite laugh. _//Should I let him come? Either way makes a point.//_

Schuldig didn’t answer immediately. He shifted so that he was striking Kudoh’s shoulders instead his ass.

Brad closed his eyes for a moment and focused on what Schuldig was seeing. Kudoh’s ass and thighs were bruised and welted and, in a few places, bleeding. Schuldig thought that was beautiful.

Now that he wasn’t risking getting struck himself, Brad reached around to feel Kudoh’s ass. He squeezed and pinched while he continued pushing Kudoh closer to orgasm.

 _//Ooh. That’s nice.//_ Schuldig sounded a bit dreamy. _//You doing it makes the connection between the pleasure and the pain more devastating. He knew, but he hadn’t admitted it. Don’t let him come yet.//_ Schuldig sounded as if he regretted that. _//It would be delicious, but I can wait. How much do you want to feel?//_

Of what Schuldig felt and what Kudoh felt. Brad licked his lips. He wasn’t sure, if they went deep, that he and Schuldig would manage not to kill Kudoh. Of course, some of the most spectacular sex they’d had come out of killing slowly. _//All of it. I want all of it. He’ll survive, or he won’t.//_ Part of him hoped that, if they killed Kudoh, they could find someone else-- _Someone more convenient._ \--to help him keep Schuldig content and connected. _Now that I know it’s possible… Yes. And Kudoh dead would be much easier to hide from Takatori._

Schuldig pulled Brad’s mind in even closer then plunged them both into Kudoh’s mind. The pressure and warmth there surprised Brad because usually terror was cold. He could feel Schuldig purr as each blow of his crop sent tremors through Kudoh’s mind and as those tremors echoed in Schuldig’s mind.

Brad got that a second or two after Schuldig did, and it took a great deal of effort not to gasp. It felt a lot like his mind was getting a blow job. “Fuck,” he muttered. _//I see why you want to keep him.//_ He ran a hand over Kudoh’s belly, taking pleasure in seeing Kudoh shudder in response. That felt different in Kudoh’s mind, so Brad reached higher to brush fingers across Kudoh’s nipples.

Kudoh made a strangled noise of protest that Brad thought was out of proportion to the stimulus. Kudoh bit his lip and shook his head.

That combined in Kudoh’s mind with his response to pain to give Schuldig-- and by proxy Brad-- the telepathic equivalent of an orgasm.

Brad needed a few seconds to recover, so his hands stilled for a moment. When he could speak, he said, “You’re going to be such a pleasure, Yohji.” He pinched and twisted one of Kudoh’s nipples, letting his nails dig in hard enough to draw blood.

Kudoh didn’t quite scream, but the sound was close enough. Kudoh twisted his body in an effort to get away.

Schuldig pressed up against Kudoh’s back to limit his movement. _//I like that.//_

Kudoh went entirely still apart from the ragged gasping of his breath.

_//Almost. He almost gave up right then.//_

Brad hadn’t thought Schuldig could sound more aroused. He fought to hold back a groan as Kudoh’s despair filtered through Schuldig’s thoughts, thick and sweet but with a bite and a decidedly not-Schuldig flavor. He made himself inhale deeply and smile. Then he met Schuldig’s eyes. “Piercing? It might add something.”

Kudoh shuddered as he swallowed a sob. He closed his eyes.

“Possibly.” That Schuldig only sounded as if he were detachedly considering the matter was a powerful reminder for Brad that his lover could act. “Just… Not necessarily-- or not only-- there.”

Brad allowed himself a fond smile. “Whatever pleases you.” _//What would you like now? Also, if we do get him pierced, we’re not doing it ourselves.//_ He was pretty sure that Schuldig already knew that, but there was no reason for Kudoh to.

Schuldig skimmed his fingers along Kudoh’s cheek, along his jaw, and down his neck. “So many options…” _//We can hurt him more right now, quite a bit, but I don’t think we can scare him more or humiliate him more. I just-- I love the look on his face when we fuck him, but right now, I want to get off with you.//_

Brad’s smile sharpened, and he flattened his hand against Kudoh’s chest. _//Privately or while he watches?//_

Schuldig hesitated. Suddenly he no longer looked happy.

It took Brad longer than it should have to understand the problem. Once he realized, he stood and moved around Kudoh so that he could touch Schuldig without their prisoner in the way. He cupped one hand against Schuldig’s cheek. “There isn’t a right answer,” he said as gently as he could. “Not a wrong one, either. No one has that on us any more.” _//I’m sorry. I should have seen that coming.//_

Schuldig pulled away from Kudoh and put his arms around Brad. _//I only forgot for a moment.//_ He put his head on Brad’s shoulder.

 _//I know.//_ Brad closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he saw Kudoh studying them with far too much understanding for Brad’s comfort. Brad narrowed his eyes in a promise of agony.

Kudoh hesitated only for a moment before he nodded and turned his eyes to the floor in front of him.

 _Far too much understanding for comfort._ Long practice let Brad shield the thought from Schuldig. He also didn’t let Schuldig see as he sorted futures to see whether or not Kudoh had to die. What he found forced him to raise his opinion of Kudoh’s intelligence.

Kudoh would use the information, but it would be a lever on Brad rather than a weapon against Schuldig. Assuming Kudoh survived the next few hours. That was far from certain, and he was sure that Kudoh knew that, too.

 _Clever._ Brad moved one hand in circles on Schuldig’s back. _Not clever enough but still clever._ “Do you have a preference?” he murmured in Schuldig’s ear.

“If I play right now…” Schuldig squeezed a little tighter, digging his fingers into Brad’s back. _//I’ll do something he… can’t recover from.//_

Brad waited almost ten seconds, but Schuldig didn’t say anything else. Brad sighed. “And you still want a kitten.” He didn’t bother trying not to sound resigned. _So Kudoh lives._

“Yes.” _//Just give me a little time.//_

 _//With me or without me?//_ Brad didn’t allow himself to look for which would be better for Schuldig long term. _It’s too easy to define ‘better for Schuldig’ as ‘Schuldig acting the way I want him to.’_

 _//With you, please. I’m not sure I’ll remember if it’s just me.//_ Schuldig relaxed a little. After a moment, he raised his head and looked at Kudoh.

Brad felt Schuldig’s mental focus shift. _//Will he keep?//_ Brad didn’t care much either way except that Schuldig so very clearly did.

 _//Probably. He’s not_ that _hungry.//_

Brad couldn’t quite call the shiver running through Schuldig’s body a shudder, but it was decidedly something. _//Xanax?//_

 _//I’d rather get shitfaced.//_ Schuldig sounded more than a little bitter.

“We’re far enough out…” Brad couldn’t make any absolute promises about the interaction between alcohol and Schuldig’s telepathy, but he was quite sure that he could keep his own mind safe.

“It would be incredibly stupid.” _//I’m too tangled in Kudoh’s mind. If I fuck up that way, I might never get loose.//_ Schuldig sounded as if the idea was tempting.

 _Oh._ Brad didn’t like how that made so many of the possible futures more solidly probable. “Schuldig--”

“I know.” Schuldig stepped back and turned away. “I’m going to shower.” _//I’ll be fine while you put him back in his cell and give him some food, but… Please wait until I’m asleep to go talk to him.//_

Brad didn’t completely manage to hide a guilty twitch. 

Schuldig wasn’t watching, but that hadn’t ever been likely to make a difference in his ability to notice the reaction. “You have some decisions to make.” _//You hid it. He couldn’t. I_ know _you. I’d… rather be asleep if you decide to put a bullet in him. Just be very sure. Either way. I… can’t.//_

Brad could tell that Schuldig knew he was demanding something unfair. _//It doesn’t matter. I will if you’d rather, but I hoped-- I wanted to respect your ability to make your own decisions.//_

Schuldig turned back and shook his head. “You can’t. I’m likely to do some really stupid shit.” _//And, if you’re not here to stop me any more, I’d really rather go out with a bang.//_

“If one of us goes, we both go.” Brad had said it before, and he always meant it. He’d seen what would happen to him without Schuldig, and it wasn’t going anywhere even remotely tempting. _//I’m going to avoid it as long as we can.//_

***** 

When Brad went to talk to Kudoh, later, after Schuldig was asleep, he found the man sitting in a corner of the room where they kept him. He had his knees pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. He barely even looked up when Brad came in, closed the door behind himself, and put the key in a box with a keypad lock.

Brad had brought a folding chair for himself. He was certain he could keep Kudoh from getting anywhere near it. _I don’t think he’s fool enough to try._ He set the chair on the floor and unfolded it, trying not to let the fact that it was going to be uncomfortable influence his attitude toward the upcoming conversation. The possibilities cascaded through his mind, moving and changing too fast for him to catch more than shadows.

He really didn’t like that level of uncertainty.

 _Nevertheless. Schuldig wants him._ “How much do you want to live?” Brad asked once he was seated.

There was a bitter rasp in Kudoh’s answering laugh. “I didn’t think I had any say.” He raised his head and fixed his eyes on Brad’s face, just for a moment, before he looked at the floor again. “I suppose, now, I could get you to kill me.”

“It would be simplest.” Brad didn’t say anything further for several seconds. “If that’s what you want, tell me now, and I’ll do it. If you change your mind later and try to fuck with Schuldig’s head--” He caught enough of a vision to relax a little. _He’s not that stupid. That’s something._

“You really do think I’m stupid.” Kudoh still didn’t look at Brad. “If I did that, you wouldn’t just kill me. It would be worse than anything you’ve done so far.” The words were utterly flat. “Ken wouldn’t get it. Aya might do it anyway. I… don’t think small revenge would be worth the price.”

For a moment, Brad fixed on the fact that Kudoh had neglected to mention what Tsukiyono-- _Takatori._ \--would do. Then he dismissed it as not currently relevant. _It’s not as if I can’t guess, and he’s probably trying not to pin his hopes on Takatori._

Kudoh raised his head again. “Right now, I’m not seeing anything better than that bullet with my name on it. Nobody’s coming for me, and this--” He lifted one hand and waved it to indicate the room and, somehow, all of his current circumstances. “--isn’t going anywhere else.” He straightened his upper body. “If I’m going to die anyway, then fuck all of this and just do it.”

Brad narrowed his eyes. _Kudoh’s potential futures are too close to Schuldig’s for certainty. And to mine. Assuming he has any future at all._ “Disposing of your corpse would be a pain in the ass.” He could tell immediately that Kudoh not only didn’t believe that but also didn’t believe that Brad thought he’d believe it.

Brad sighed. “Your one advantage is that he wants to keep you for as long as he can. It’s not, however, even remotely difficult to replace you, not now that I know that he wants someone like you.” It would be harder than Brad liked because the other people he could see who might work all had more… personal entanglements and more problems with violence than Kudoh did. _But I could do it. It’s possible. And Kudoh could really fuck us up if he was willing to pay for it after._

“You love him.” Kudoh sounded envious, and Brad wondered which of them the other man wanted to be.

“I do.” Brad saw no point in denying it. He left it at that and waited for Kudoh to say more.

“You’d have killed me right away if he didn’t want me.”

Brad looked to see what effect different possible answers would have on Kudoh. He had no objection to lying, especially not under these circumstances, but he wanted the lie to accomplish something. _Schuldig will lie to people just to fuck with them, just to see what will happen. I-- I suppose that that chaos is why I love him. He surprises me._ That seemed inadequate for what lay between them, so he noted the idea for later consideration and elaboration.

Schuldig might find it romantic.

After several seconds, Brad said, “I’d most likely have turned you over to the scientists we’re working with. They can do what’s necessary with just blood and tissue samples, but having a living, human research subject would speed things along.” Letting Kudoh know that Brad might have let him go wouldn’t-- _Couldn’t._ \--take them anywhere good. _He’d guess that Takatori actually might still care. And that that matters to me._

Kudoh looked a little sick. He closed his eyes. “A bullet would definitely be kinder.”

Brad gave a small huff of laughter, not because he was amused but because he saw that that would push Kudoh in the direction Brad preferred. “It’s the labs, me finding a more personalized hell for you, the bullet in the back of your head-- I’ll be very, very sure-- or whatever Schuldig wants from you.”

“With the other three as possibilities if I… don’t carry through to your satisfaction.”

It wasn’t a question, so Brad didn’t respond.

“And when I bore him?”

“I don’t see that happening.” _Though anything is possible with Schuldig._ Brad doubted that hearing that would help Kudoh make the choice Brad wanted. “You have potential to give him something I can’t. Something he wants very badly.”

Brad could almost see hope fighting it’s way through Kudoh’s cynicism. _And the moment he admitted that it’s at a price._

Kudoh sighed and lowered his head to his knees for a moment. When he raised his head again, he said, “You’ll have to start feeding me. If you keep… doing all the same shit and not feeding me, I’m going to die. Healing burns a lot of calories.” He stared at the wall.

Brad considered that. _He’s not lying._ He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Schuldig likes the desperation, your willingness to endure anything if it means a meal.” _He wants to live, but… It’s not stable. Not certain. Shit._

“Nevertheless.” Kudoh’s response was quiet but utterly unyielding. “It’s not something I’ve got a choice about.”

“I--” Brad shook his head. “I forget things like that, routine things, I mean. I can’t tell if I’m remembering doing them or remembering seeing that I might or-- Well, time is slippery.”

“Then set a fucking alarm.” Kudoh’s glare could have burned the building. “It’s not like I’m asking for the moon.” Abruptly, he sagged. The glare seemed to have eaten all of his energy. “Whatever.”

 _And now he doesn’t._ “I fed you before I left you earlier, when I brought you back here, I mean.” Brad was almost certain that he had. _Schuldig told me to, so I would have._ He looked around the room then pointed at the dirty dishes. “I did.”

“You really weren’t sure.” Kudoh sounded surprised.

“Do you need more right now?” Brad knew it was a stupid question as soon as he said it and wasn’t surprised that Kudoh didn’t dignify it with a verbal response. Brad put the chair outside the room then retrieved the dirty dishes. He remembered to lock the door behind himself. Missing that sort of detail could still get him killed.

He took a little extra time preparing a tray and then filling a paper bag with some of the bags of nuts and overly sweet packaged granola bars he and Schuldig used when they’d overstretched themselves psychically and needed quick, easy calories. He tried not to look at Kudoh’s futures, at the likelihood of Kudoh choosing one thing or another. _Too much like being the tail in mental crack-the-whip._

Rummaging in the cupboard, he managed to find some dried meat. Judging by the color, it was either turkey or chicken jerky, but one of them had moved it, from the packaging it had been sold in, to several smaller ziplocs. He couldn’t remember why, but he supposed it didn’t matter. He added three of those to the emergency stash for Kudoh. 

_The emergency stash I’m still not certain I want him to need. Why am I not sure?_ Brad made himself look at that. _Oh. Schuldig won’t be the only one to get attached. No matter who the ‘pet’ is, we both will. Three potential failure points instead of two._ He stopped and leaned his forehead against the wall. The coolness and solidity of the surface helped him ground himself enough to be able to face Kudoh again.

Kudoh ate without saying anything. He consumed every scrap that Brad had put on the tray and eyed the contents of the bag of non-perishables as if tempted to devour them, too. 

For the first time, Brad really believe that Kudoh had been starving. He decided not to offer more, not just then. He was pretty sure that Kudoh was smart enough to realize how much he depended on Brad’s good will. Something was nagging at Brad’s mind, so he unfocused his attention a little to try to track it. _Oh. Usually Schuldig notices things like that._ “You’re not nearly as afraid of me as you are of him. Or of both of us.” Brad didn’t quite manage to keep surprise out of his voice.

Kudoh shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but his eyes were sharp as he studied Brad. After a moment, he said, “Anything you do when it’s only you will have a reason. It may hurt, it may kill me or maim me, but it won’t be only for my pain.”

Potential futures fragmented and shifted, rearranging themselves and then shifting again. Brad didn’t let it show on his face. “You’re going to be a real pain in the ass.”

“Sounds like you actually are talking long term.”

Brad realized that Kudoh’s carefully neutral voice and body language were masking fear. _Terror, actually. Which also isn’t something I’d usually see. I’m not that good with people, not without Schuldig helping, not without it being important._ He really didn’t like the idea that Kudoh was important. _I know he could be, but… I don’t want that._ He narrowed his eyes. “That’s mostly up to you. You said it sounded better than the other options.”

Kudoh’s jaw tightened, and he shook his head. “We both know it’s not actually up to me. My tools are… limited.” He looked away. “I don’t know what you want-- Apart from him being happy, I mean, and I… can’t live with who the two of you will turn me into.” He sounded determined, and Brad wondered what had changed in the last half an hour.

 _He thought he could before. Is this what Schuldig meant when he said Kudoh didn’t want to want it?_ “There isn’t much I want.” Brad thought that much of the truth was safe. _There’s nothing much he can do with it, after all._ “Schuldig happy, freedom, and enough money to be comfortable.” _I want you to choose us._ The sudden strength of that desire startled him.

Kudoh raised his eyebrows and looked around the room.

Brad laughed. “Our definitions of ‘comfort’ are different. Yours is ‘good enough not to hurt.’ Ours is ‘having enough for luxury.’” _This was easier when I didn’t talk to him, when he was just someone who wasn’t quite a corpse yet._ “I have no interest in you as a person,” he told Kudoh firmly. It was a lie. _It’s becoming a lie. Why didn’t I see this before we grabbed him?_ “That doesn’t mean I don’t understand you. Just don’t mistake one for the other.” He wished that the possibilities would become clearer so that he could find the right words, the right actions, to get what Schuldig needed, that Brad was starting to want. _I wish Schuldig was here. He knows people, knows Kudoh. Yohji. If he lives, I’m going to think of him as Yohji._

“I don’t see that it matters.” Kudoh tugged on one corner of the tray of dirty dishes that lay on the floor in front of him then pushed it away again. “You’re going to kill or you’re not. You and he are going to keep torturing me or you’re not.” He tilted his head to fix his eyes on the ceiling. “I don’t want to die. I just-- I’m going to, in the end. Even if you don’t decide to now, I’m going to get to a point where I have to because I can’t any longer. There isn’t anything later that will make the shit coming down worthwhile.”

Brad couldn’t tell if Kudoh was lying, but he was sure that he didn’t want to struggle for understanding the man’s intentions and motivations. _And that I’d have to. Someone else might be easier_ He started to stand but stopped as the light in the room seemed to alter. He could feel his awareness, his ability to make choices, sinking deep into himself. It felt rather like he was becoming water and dissolving into the entire network of aquifers and rivers and seas that covered the Earth, like he was somehow diffuse but also aware of things that he wouldn’t normally perceive.

Past experience told him he must not fight the currents that would take him now, that he must not show that he was saying or doing things he hadn’t planned or, at least, expected. 

He’d fought this manifestation of his gift twice in his life. The first time led to Rosenkreuz. The second… didn’t bear thinking about.

 _Hasn’t happened since-- some time before Nagi and Farfarello left._ It was a lie. He knew it. He’d felt it, both times, as he let them go. _At least then it was just the right words. Now--_

“I think,” Brad said softly, “that the options might be less terrible than you think.” He shrugged one shoulder. “I’m a little surprised that you bothered eating if death is all you want.”

Kudoh flinched.

Brad allowed himself a small laugh. “Hope dies hard.” _He thinks he ought to see it as beyond bearing, and he almost convinced himself of it while I was getting him food._

Kudoh looked away. His shoulders sagged for a moment before he straightened them. “I already said I don’t want to die. I just… You’re not letting me go. I’ve known that. I just thought all of this would end. Eventually.” His voice broke a little on the last word.

“Yohji.” Brad was surprised to hear his voice sounding gentle and coaxing. “Look at me.” He wanted to stand and cross the room, but his legs were reluctant to move. Obviously that was not something he was meant to do.

Kudoh turned back with reluctance. Once he was looking at Brad, he worked his jaw for a moment then said, “I thought you might have put something in the food. That would have been-- Well, I should have thought that you wouldn’t be that kind.”

 _He_ hoped _I’d put something in the food. He doesn’t want to have to decide._ “You know me that well,” Brad admitted. “Torturing you has no point, but neither does being merciful.” There was still a thread in his voice that Brad heard as coaxing, and he wondered what he was trying persuade Kudoh to do. “I’d still like to get something from you.”

Kudoh’s body shook. It took several seconds for Brad to realize that Kudoh was swallowing laughter.

“I could.” Brad’s voice now sounded vicious to his own ears. “I can think of a few different people who’d buy you. I don’t think you’d like being a lab rat or a gladiator, but you might enjoy being a pet or fucktoy of someone other than us. If you got lucky.” He mimed flipping a coin. “If I felt like it. I might.”

Kudoh went utterly still.

Brad’s hand rose and traced a curve in the air as if it were stroking Kudoh’s cheek. “You didn’t try to attack earlier,” he said gently. “You could have hurt him. Why didn’t you?” 

Kudoh shrugged.

 _He doesn’t even know._ Brad was surprised, but he supposed it fit with what he’d seen of possible futures in which they kept Kudoh. _Why didn’t I wonder then why I’d choose to keep him?_

Brad nodded as if Kudoh had confirmed something. “I can work with that. _We_ can work with that.” He wanted very badly to reject this future, to look for something better. _But this_ has _to happen._ “Stand up.” It was certainly an order, but Brad couldn’t hear threat in his own words.

Kudoh hesitated then closed his eyes for a moment and nodded.

_Admitting he has no choice._

“Schuldig’s not here,” Brad said. “You can fight to give me the chance to force you, but I don’t get off on it. Not when he’s not here.” He wasn’t sure that was entirely true, but he also wasn’t sure it wasn’t. “Stand up.”

Kudoh stood, unfolding himself gracefully. The bruises they’d left on him hours before had half-faded, and for a moment, Brad wanted nothing more than to experiment to see how long different types of injuries took to evaporate.

But that wasn’t what his gift wanted. _Not now. Not yet. Later?_ Somehow, Brad doubted it. _If we break him enough that he wants pain, he’ll be dead inside anyway. Oh. He thinks that’s the cliff I’m trying to push him off of._

Kudoh looked poised to run even though there was nowhere for him to go.

“Why is it that I see you trying to run, over and over, but I don’t see you trying to kill us?” Brad couldn’t imagine that Kudoh had the slightest idea, but it wasn’t as if Brad was the one posing the question. _My gift, not me._

Kudoh shook his head. Then he licked his lips and said, “If I only got one of you, the other would go beyond killing.” For a moment, his eyes looked ancient. “And it wouldn’t just be me then. You’re the only things holding each other in check.”

If Brad had had control of his body, he’d have blinked. _No one should know that. Nagi and Farfarello never knew._

“Even if I got both of you,” Kudoh went on, “I’m pretty sure that--” He shook his head. “I--” He shook his head again. “I wouldn’t get both of you. All three of us know that.”

“Most people would try anyway.” Brad was fairly sure that ‘most people’ actually meant Hidaka and Fujimiya. _Young Takatori would find a way to use us no matter how many advantages we had against him._ Losing Nagi still hurt, and Brad wondered again whether, if he’d handled Tot better, Nagi might have stayed. _Or did he see how fucked up Schuldig and I are? We hid it better then._

Kudoh’s expression went flat. “That’s why you went after me, isn’t it?” He didn’t sound as if it were really a question, more as if it were something he’d figured out a long time before.

Brad shrugged. He made a show of looking Kudoh up and down. Then he smiled. “Come here.” _Is that where this is going? Of course, it is. That should have been obvious._

Kudoh’s eyes darted from one side to the other before fixing on Brad again. He bit his lip.

 _He knows there’s no choice, but he wants one._ “Is there actually anything I could do that will matter by the time Schuldig wakes?” Brad knew that wasn’t a promise that he’d kill Kudoh. He also knew what Kudoh would think. _But this wouldn’t be happening if I was going to kill him._

Kudoh didn’t move for several seconds. Then he walked slowly toward Brad.

When Kudoh was close enough, Brad stood and pulled him in close. “I haven’t done much with you with entirely my own senses.” There was a lightness in the words that Brad thought was out of keeping with what it implied he was about to do. “Under the circumstances--” He pressed his mouth to Kudoh’s neck and bit just hard enough to make a point.

Kudoh made a noise that was half protest and half-- Brad didn’t want to think about it. Kudoh remained unresisting as Brad’s hands moved over his body.

After a few minutes, Brad pulled back and said, “For what it’s worth, I’m not planning to hurt you physically tonight. Not until--” He tugged Kudoh’s head into proper position for kissing and spent a while at that. “Do you have a preference as to how you die? I don’t have to use a bullet, after all.” There was a thread of cruelty in the words that Brad found more familiar, more in character for himself in dealing with Kudoh than his current physical gentleness. He laid one hand against the side of Kudoh’s face. “Would you rather be unconscious?”

Kudoh stiffened and started to pull away. “You’re not giving me that.”

Brad laughed. “Something for something.” He reached down and cupped his hand around Kudoh’s cock and balls. “You’re beautiful, and you respond so very nicely to… stimulation.” He moved his hand just enough to tease.

“Don’t. Please.” Kudoh didn’t sound as if he actually had any hope that Brad would listen. “Please.”

“You haven’t hated all of this,” Brad said with absolute certainty. “You hate that it’s us. You hate that we never feed you, that there’s no rest or respite, and you’re not enthusiastic about the pain, but… You haven’t hated being touched or being unable to choose--”

“Bullshit.”

Brad spent almost a minute working Kudoh’s cock toward hardness before he answered. “You’re going to be dead soon. Why argue? It’s not going to make a difference.” He was silent for several seconds then added, “Three might be more stable than two.” He wasn’t even sure Kudoh was aware enough to understand the offer.

Kudoh shuddered, and his hips tilted to push his cock against Brad’s hand. He didn’t resist as Brad lowered them both to the floor, and he made sounds of desperate pleasure as Brad kept going with the handjob.

Brad really hoped that his gift wasn’t going to insist on turning the handjob into a blowjob. _Not that he’s repulsive. If Schuldig was here, I’d even enjoy it. I’d just rather choose. Some other time._ He teased Kudoh’s nipples with his other hand then bent and brushed his lips over one of them. The way that Kudoh moved in response sent a jolt of desire along Brad’s spine, and for the first time, Brad felt some enthusiasm for what he was pretty sure he was going to do. His own cock started to take interest. _It’s more difficult without Schuldig, but… I can. I’m not sure when I last… wanted to. Without Schuldig._

Brad’s hands stilled, and he kept his eyes on Kudoh’s face as the other man’s eyes started to focus again. “Fast or slow?” Brad asked. He rubbed his thumb across the tip of Kudoh’s cock. “We’ve got time, and we both know I could keep you at this point for a very long time.”

Kudoh stared at Brad as if he weren’t making sense.

Brad chuckled. “If you’d rather not choose, I will.” He bent and kissed Kudoh, keeping their lips pressed together until he felt Kudoh’s lips start to part. _Will he participate or just let me… do what I’m going to do?_ Brad lost himself in Kudoh’s surrender and pretended to ignore the way that Kudoh’s hips shifted as he tried to increase the friction on his cock. _Just enough to keep him interested…_

If Kudoh wasn’t going to ask for relief, he certainly wasn’t going to get it.

Brad didn’t say anything or stop what he was doing when one of Kudoh’s hands came up to grip Brad’s arm. He simply noted that Kudoh didn’t try to push him away. _Possibly a good sign?_

He doubted it was because Kudoh was too afraid to struggle.

Brad knew that Kudoh was getting into it when the other man moved his hand to Brad’s shirt and started fumbling with the buttons. Brad made an encouraging sound, and Kudoh’s movements became more assured. Brad smiled. He was glad he had his gift to guide him, though, because he didn’t completely understand what Kudoh found arousing. _This way, I don’t have to guess._

Brad stood to step out of his trousers. He took a moment to study Kudoh. “You can ask me to stop,” he said. “I won’t, but you’re welcome to ask.”

Kudoh flushed and bit his lip.

Brad knelt and started touching Kudoh again. “It’d be really fucking hot.” He was pretty sure it would be, but he’d never have said it without prompting.

Kudoh’s teeth drew blood.

Brad laughed. He traced a finger over Kudoh’s lips. “That’s hot, too.” He bent and licked the blood from Kudoh’s mouth. “You’ll probably like blowing me better than my cock in your ass, especially without lube,” he said when he pulled back. “Though I will enjoy your ass if that’s your preference.”

Kudoh’s breath made an audible hiss as he exhaled. He shuddered. “No,” he whispered. “Please-- don’t make me--” He swallowed whatever else he’d been going to say.

Brad wasn’t sure if it was a genuine request or simply an acknowledgement that asking Kudoh to choose was cruel. He ran his hand over Kudoh’s chest. “I know. We haven’t asked you to choose before, but you plan to die so soon. I’m enjoying myself, and I don’t mind if you do.”

An expression flickered over Kudoh’s face that made Brad think that Kudoh knew Brad wouldn’t kill him. _But he still doesn’t want to choose us._

“It’s too bad,” Brad went on. “You deserve a really thorough fucking, but it’s just me here. I’d like to see that, to be with Schuldig in your mind as it went on and on, cock after cock, beyond your endurance, beyond your ability to lie to yourself.” He felt Kudoh’s cock hardening at his words. He laughed.

“Please.” Kudoh’s voice was stronger this time. “Just let me die.”

“You don't actually want that.” _Except he does._ Brad focused on bringing Kudoh to orgasm and was rewarded by Kudoh starting to swear and then breaking off as he finally found release.

Kudoh didn't resist as Brad forced his cock into Kudoh's ass. He made sounds that might have been pleasure as Brad fucked him and wrapped his arms around Brad's body after Brad shot his load and collapsed on top of him.

Some time later, Brad whispered in Kudoh's ear, “We want you, Yohji. All you have to do is love us.” He held Kudoh while Kudoh cried. He stroked Kudoh's hair. “We can give you everything you want,” he promised.

Brad was sure that Kudoh wanted to believe him.


End file.
